Another Musing On The Dreaded R-Word.


That one word breathes fear, excitement, happiness, anger, frustration, annoyance and every other adjective into all of us. Some of us cherish the thought of being in that ‘perfect’ relationship where it is all roses and candies and that fluttery feeling of being with someone who makes you feel special. Some of us are happy that we’ve met someone we share a laugh with, feel happy around and spend time with. Others dread the thought of even being in one. Hearts and flowers? The very thought makes us squirm. The ‘awwwwww’ moments – forget it – we judge the people who display their love for each other for all of us to see. OKAY we GET it, you’re happy, you’ve got so much going for you, rub it in our faces would you? Sheesh.

Relationships – they aren’t easy. If you think you’ll have the fairy tale romance, think again. That is exactly why it is a FAIRY TALE. It isn’t real. Of course, every girl dreams of her prince charming and her happily ever after. We all want our relationships to be seamless, carefree, happy, loving and most of all, drama free. Not as simple as you think it is.

Relationships are HARD. Period. They take work. And a lot of effort. And a lot of adjustment. Initially, while we get to know our significant other, everything is perfect. We’re in a phase where nothing in the world matters except the person we are with. The world stops and everything else except the person we are with, ceases to exist. When the relationship gets intense and you let down your walls and throw away the facade and start showing the real you, this is when the true test begins.

I’m not going to drone on about what we should and shouldn’t do in a relationship. What I am going to point out is that they’re hard work. Sometimes, they’re mentally exhausting. Sometimes, you want to give up and say, ‘what the hell have I gotten myself into?’ There are days you wish you had never decided to be with this person. Frustrating isn’t it?

Unfortunately, unlike our parents who have been together for 30 odd or god knows how many years (mine are 37 and counting) and have weathered every storm, crossed every hurdle and pretty much fought through so many struggles, we don’t have the energy or the tolerance to really make it work. If we get fed up, we just pack it in and say, ‘It’s not you, it’s me..” or some other nonsensical drivel that is frankly a lame ass excuse for ending it because we’re not tolerant enough. But, on the other side we have couples that have problems that we wouldn’t wish upon our own enemies. An abusive other half, a philanderer, some of the very serious issues that you would still accept for ending a bad relationship. Or you may just fall out love for reasons that are deep rooted and personal.

I ask – for those of you facing a ‘rough’ time in your relationships at this point of time – what is it the definition of ‘rough’ for you? Is it the constant fights? Is it the badgering and the fact you may not have the time to meet every day? Is it the general fear of allowing your walls to come down and being yourself? Is it just the fact that it is ‘too much of an effort’? Then quite simply, don’t be in one or man up (or woman up) and have the balls to overcome it. Do something about it. Be proactive. Be supportive. Talk. Hash it out. Don’t give up (unless you really don’t want it anymore..) and work towards being happy. It isn’t going to happen overnight, but I can assure you if both of you actually want to go the distance and be together, that little bit of effort will go a long way. Be tolerant – lack of tolerance and compassion and being understanding towards each other is one of the main reasons that our relationships falter – and I can only hope that we see that and work towards being happier. God bless.


4 thoughts on “Another Musing On The Dreaded R-Word.

  1. Ash says:

    Wise words. Either sort it out, or know when to give up.

    The good thing, though, is that you have the option to move on if things aren’t working for you. If you’ve tried and it still isn’t working, you can move on more easily than people from older generations. They didn’t have much of an option – many of them remained stuck in abusive and soul destroying marriages.

    • Shilpa S. Shah says:

      It’s been a pretty bad start to 2015 for me, I screwed up, and so did he. I’ve tried to make amends, and apologized profusely for my behaviour. We haven’t talked much, and I’m just hoping that we can weather this storm. I just don’t want to nag him (if I do, he’ll walk away), or constantly ask him “why are you like this etc..” the thing is, I do love him, dearly and I hope to God, it works out.

      • Ash says:

        All the best. Hope you both are able to sort things out.

        Maybe the thing to do here is to sit him down and have one, constructive, solution-oriented talk. Bringing it up again & again tends to perpetuate the problem, as a constant reminder of what happened. Why not ask him if he is open to sitting down talking to sort things out once and for all? At least, that way, you’ll both know where you’re headed?

        The best of us screw up. Badly, sometimes. Even so, our intention is usually not to hurt the other person. Screwing up is part of being human, don’t take it to heart. It doesn’t mean we can’t set things right. 🙂

        I hope things work out for you both. Maybe a good, long talk might help. We humans don’t like to let go of good things; I believe he doesn’t want to let you go all that easily too. Being open, positive, and communicative can help. Good luck, I hope you guys make it, and your next post tells us that you are happy (come what may). ❤

      • Ash says:

        Also, silence doesn’t solve any problems. If you both want time out to think, I would say that first give each other a chance to talk frankly, and THEN take a few days out to ponder. At least you both deserve a full and fair hearing.

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