Being Dumped: The Man’s Side Of The Story

I decided to invite bloggers, or anyone who wants to write, to come and be part of my blog. The idea here is to give bloggers, or anyone who wants to write a platform to speak about subjects they are passionate about. It can be about anything that you have thoughts about, but didn’t have a medium to publish. I maintain this blog as much as I can, so besides all my musings and writings, you can contribute too!

My first guest writer is Simon Huxtable. Simon writes for Decoded Magazine and is also a DJ/Producer. You’d probably think that his contribution is about music. But, today, he speaks about a personal issue – something we all have faced in our lives – the heartbreak of a relationship ending. This post comes straight from the heart, and I’m glad that he wrote about it. More so because it is usually us women who are more vocal about our hearts breaking, but this comes from a male perspective. So here is my very first guest writer giving you his thoughts on being dumped.

It sucks getting dumped. It happened to me last night, again. I spent the rest of the evening and into the early morning torturing myself by replaying the last 3 weeks over and over in my head. Did I say something wrong? Did I do or not do something? And you know what, as arrogant as it sounds, I’m a really good boyfriend. This was all on her.

We met through friends and after a drunken night in town we hooked up. Our first date was magical, like something from a movie. I took her to a Japanese restaurant, you know the ones where they cook the food in front of you; we had an amazing time. We had a few more drinks and I took her home – our first kiss, was, if I’m honest, was a little underwhelming. Just a peck on the lips, and I should’ve walked away there and then, but I figured nerves got the best of us and the second date would go better. It did and we talked all night. I was becoming as interested in her mind as her body, and I had a good feeling, but then she let it slip that she didn’t want marriage or kids, and again, I should have walked away –  she was a commitment phobe, pure and simple.

Girls don’t really get tagged with that brush, its normally the male species, but in modern life, with female empowerment at an all time high, women also feel that need for personal fulfilment more than ever. I for one welcome it, why not have a balanced playing field and be judged equally. Some men just can’t cope though. More and more I find in my late 30s that women aren’t interested in you as a person, but more as an accessory to their lives, and when we outgrow our value, we’re tossed to the side like last years scarf.

I kinda knew it was ending about a month/ 5 weeks in. Dates had started to dry up and we last went out together as part of a group to a nightclub. The following week we had arranged to have Sunday dinner and had not seen each other due to our job schedules. On the Saturday, she had a house party for her housemates birthday and Sunday morning at 8.30am I got the rain check text message “Think I’m coming down with something. Don’t think I can make today, I hope you understand.” Like a schmuck I wrote back, but at the back of my mind all the time thinking, she’s blowing me off because she has a hangover. “Hope you’re ok, I would come over with soup and nurse you, but I know that’s annoying sometimes and you just want to be left alone like a cat.

Then the text messages got more and more spaced out, and I found myself texting her just for a response. Sometimes that was hours later, then she blew off another weekend with a reply to a message I had sent 5 or 6 hours before “going to my parents for the weekend.” No reason why, no previous discussion, just made her mind up and I had to deal. That brings us into this week, we had spoken on the phone Sunday afternoon (while she was at her parents) and arranged to go on a trip, she would drive as she was very aware of how much I had already payed for on our various dates, I was happy to let her take the lead, I missed her and was excited to see her again. Then nothing for 3 days, no Facebook activity, no texts, nothing. I had my suspicions, and to be fair I had gone to a dark place in my head where I was convinced she had met someone else and was stringing me along.

I decided I would drive over to her place the next afternoon and surprise her, gauge her reaction and possibly break up. She works from home Thursday and Friday, and with no reason to suspect she would be elsewhere, I drove over. Of course, she wasn’t in, she later explained she was called into work, but she hadn’t told me that, and to be fair to her why would she, it’s a fairly mundane snip of daily information and she was already not texting me important stuff. So she rings that night, to see how I am, and we get on to the subject of the weekend trip. I suggest she stays at mine to make the journey shorter and her whole demeanour suddenly changes. Her voice becomes awkward and you can tell she has something to say, but is struggling how to say it tactfully. She finally managed.

Dumping someone who is more invested in a relationship than you are is never going to go well, and my advice to you all is just rip the band aid off quickly. Don’t string it out, don’t try and be tactful, just get the information across. And if they say at the start of the relationship they don’t want a big commitment, don’t be surprised when it ends badly, just pick yourself up, use what ever cathartic means you need to process things and get back out there.

Someone once told me we meet people for a reason, for a season or forever. And when I reflect on past girlfriends there’s a grain of truth it that. So I’ll pick myself up, dust myself off and carry on the search. Next time might be the last time I gamble my heart on forever.   

  • By Simon Huxtable

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