My Sex Life Doesn’t Define Me

“She has had more than one partner. She must be a loose character, and must be one of those who likes to party and drink..”

This is the definition of me, as told to my parents, my relatives and my so-called ‘well-wishers’. Apparently, the fact that I’ve dated more than one man makes me a terrible person, and someone who isn’t a ‘good’ girl.

So my personal life is up for scrutiny by the old biddies and busybodies who are the self-proclaimed ‘messiahs’ of judging a girl’s character. They are the women who will determine whether you are a ‘good’ child or whether you are a rebel, a promiscuous girl who likes to drink, be seen with multiple men (even if they are just your friends..) or someone who should be looked down upon for having an active social life. These are the parameters that make up the girl’s personality – and it doesn’t matter if you work a 9-5 job, or are doing wonderful, charitable work, or you are a good-hearted person – if you are seen partying with an alcoholic beverage in your hand, talking to a member of the opposite sex – you are labelled as a ‘bad’ girl. And unfortunately I’ve been thrown under this category. Lucky me.

I’m quite amused as to how these labels and definitions are such an integral part of society – and that we have to be so careful about what we say or do, where we go, who we are seen with – just because it hinders our chances of finding a ‘suitable’ partner to get married to. The funniest part about all of this, is how it is something we are told right from the time we’re ‘old’ enough to understand dating, that some of us worry day in and day out about the repercussions of having more than one partner.

Let’s take a moment to speak about the tabooed topic.. sex. Society taught us that we should save ourselves for marriage. So if I’ve had more than a couple of partners, then it determines my entire persona – and the general consensus will be, “She’s not a good, nice girl. Don’t think of her as a future life partner.”

No, this isn’t some kind of joke – it is sadly very true. Your sex life will end up defining your entire personality – and nothing else will matter at the end of it all. Even if you haven’t had sex with every man you’ve dated, chances are, your personality has already been decided by people who hardly know you. You’re a wanton woman, and therefore, you are ‘unworthy’ of finding a good man to settle down with. Your bright, kind, effervescent, helpful nature is by no means taken into consideration. You are impure, so you will never find yourself a good man.

In a nutshell, our sex lives even though absolutely private, have been made public by the people who don’t know any better. You’ve been seen with a man, the next automatic thought is that you are having sex with him, followed by, she’s a salacious creature. There, you are now stereotyped by society, so you should deal with it. Pretty tragic, right?

The thing is, my sex life does NOT define me. First of all, there shouldn’t be any pre-conceived notions about my personal life without asking me about it (chances are if I don’t know you very well, I may not even give you a response). But the most important thing you need to know – it’s none of your bloody business. If you think that being a good or a bad person is defined by the amount of sex you’ve had, then I feel very sorry for you, because you’ve made your assumptions without actually getting to know the person. So if my sex life makes me a bad person, then your judgement of my personality makes you shallow, weak and definitely a very poor judge of character.


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