It has been a long while since I got around to writing on this blog, and it was thanks to one of my colleagues/new friends that I was inspired to write something (hopefully insightful) over here.
The last few months have been anything but easy – but it has been a journey and an eye-opener of sorts. New job, new beginnings and a new outlook in life – what is not to be happy about? Unfortunately, something seems to be lacking, and I can’t put my finger on it. Over the last week or so, I have been trying very hard to figure out why there’s a feeling of sadness looming over my head and finally it hit me – I just don’t fit in.
So, one might think that ‘fitting in’ is not something one needs to worry about on a large scale – if you do what you love, and love what you do, why bother about something as trivial as fitting in? Let me tell you, in a close-knit community such as mine, it is essential to find a balance of people and a sense of acceptance and appreciation. It has been less than 3 months since I’ve began working here, but lately (and I hope it is just a passing phase) it seems to me that I am struggling to find that very sense of acceptance. Being the person I am, it has been consuming my thoughts and hindering my work – something I hoped wouldn’t happen. However, it has, and I am trying to find that sense of peace so I can continue and be myself again, and work as hard as I know I am capable of.
This is what I wanted to touch upon – That there will be times where one will feel like the oddity, the outsider and even in some cases, like the black sheep. There are folk who won’t object to it – in fact they pride themselves on not being part of the crowd, and being different. I do too, to an extent, but somehow, it may have worked against me this time around.
It does feel as though there’s always a careful, more distant approach when people are around me. It does make me feel sad, and I do feel that I have to try that little extra harder, just so that people see that I am pretty much a “WYSIWYG” kinda gal.
Work keeps me busy and incredibly happy, but it’s not easy, wondering if you’ll ever fit in, and if people will ever warm up to you. I suppose I’ll have to deal with it and carry on just being me. I know that some of my well-wishers will tell me that if people can’t accept me for who I am, they aren’t friends, or people I need to hang around with. And I suppose, I will have to develop a tougher exterior and let others’ thoughts and opinions bounce off me. But still, it does hurt sometimes.. and it does make me sad. Hopefully, this too shall pass.
Stay smiling. xx