Stop Walking, Start Talking

I think one of the biggest and most damaging characteristic of any given relationship is our ability to walk away without talking things out. A small problem, a big problem, a fight, an argument over something as silly as where to go for dinner – how many times have we all walked away from a sticky situation and allowed it to manifest itself into something bigger? Why are we, as humans so quick to walk away rather than confront, deal, and talk things out? I’m trying to figure this one out, and from my own experience, when I’ve confronted a problematic scenario, I’ve found that misunderstandings can be cleared, relationships can be salvaged, and friendships can be saved, even though at the time, it seems as though it looks a bit…despondent.

As humans we have this innate ability to bottle up our emotions, because we don’t want to show we are vulnerable. That vulnerability is linked to weakness. That we as humans are tough as nails and can handle everything on our own. I want to say that everyone wants to show that they don’t need to figure shit out with another person’s help, but the truth is, sometimes, talking with another human can help.  A lot of problems have been solved by speaking up, and have cleared several misunderstandings.

We squabble pretty much all the time, even if it is over the silliest of reasons. It’s human nature to fight with one another, and at times it causes more drama than necessary. There have been moments where we walk away from it all, with the assumption that we’ve been given the short end of the stick, and everyone else is wrong. It is this very assumption that has been hurtful in countless relationships, and caused more harm than good, and has gone to such an extent that it has permanently severed relationships.

There might be a time you’ve suddenly stopped hearing from one of your closest mates, and you can’t figure why. You’ve walked away from the situation and left it hanging and neither of you is reaching out. Fine. Take a week to cool off, take two weeks even – but don’t let it simmer to the point that both parties stop caring. Irrevocable damage over something that could have been talked through is not the price you want to pay, and if it sacrifices your friendship? Is it worth it?

Communication between two people is so important, and we, as humans living in this technology fueled day and age will send a text, a passive aggressive facebook status update, a tweet, post a quote, hoping it will get the person to reach out and start talking – and I’m guilty of it too, but honestly – it doesn’t work. We’ve lost the ability to sit down and have an open and honest discussion with a person we’ve had a fight with, and instead we prefer to ‘leave the drama behind’ and stop speaking altogether.

If talking face to face isn’t your thing, then go ahead and write a letter. I find that if you can’t articulate what you want to say properly, then put it down on paper. Let your thoughts flow, and put it down so that the person knows exactly what you’re feeling. It can help a lot, because when there’s an uninterrupted flow of thoughts, it’s easier to let it out and write and express yourself. But let the person know what has gone wrong, don’t just assume they know, because it could be something completely different to what you’ve actually had in mind – which leads to even more misunderstandings and a lot more hurt and pain.

If there’s something that’s bothering you and you haven’t told the person about it, and haven’t been communicating with them, it’s obvious that there’s going to be a lot of wires crossed. And then it leads to neither parties wanting to make the effort (or waiting for the other to say something), and the it suddenly becomes too late to resolve anything, and that’s one more relationship damaged because both of us waited for far too long. Why are humans so fundamentally idiotic at times, that they allow a good thing to go away?

One thing I have learnt over time, is that if people walk away and don’t come back to resolve any kind of pressing matter, they were probably never meant to be in our lives anyway. They didn’t care enough to want to make amends, and instead of communicating, they decided it was best to leave things be, and just let it go. Don’t allow that to happen to you, don’t let yourself lose what is precious to you, just because you waited too long to have that conversation. Be kind. Be good, talk to people – for you have no idea the struggles that they are going through.

Peace.

Shilpa x

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