I never realized how trivial our friendship was to you, that you left when I needed your support and a shoulder to cry on.
I never realized how dispensable I was to you, that when you felt it was convenient, you let me go, without so much so as a goodbye.
I never realized that you were so hard-hearted that you didn’t even feel the pain when the friendship ended, and you carried forward while I was brimming with tears.
I trusted you with my deepest, darkest secrets, I told you about pretty much everything in my life, and I knew you wouldn’t ever judge me for it. I looked up to you, I respected you, I loved you with all my heart and to know I could be so easily disposed of, hurts me to my very core.
Maybe I was wrong in thinking we were truly good friends – maybe I was wrong in thinking that you cared for me the same way I did for you – and perhaps maybe, I was far too invested than I should have been.
None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes, but you’ve chosen to walk away, instead of talking things out, and thought the worst of me. If you truly knew me, you would have taken the time to work things out, if our friendship meant that much to you.
I’ve always thought the best of you, and you’ll always be my number one. If anything goes wrong, I’ve still got your back, even from a distance. Even if you don’t have mine anymore.
To the friends I’ve lost when I needed you the most – we may not exchange a single word in the hallway, but I know for certain that you have taught me something invaluable – to love unconditionally, to allow for people to walk into my life, and show me kindness.
You brought out the best in me, and gave me the confidence to shine again. You showed me what it was to laugh again, and forgo all the pain. You gave me life lessons that I can’t ever forget, and every day you gave me something new to think about. You gave me advice that has stuck with me through the years, and you brought down my head from the clouds.
You knocked me back to planet earth when I was floating into fantasy land, you showed me tough love when I was wallowing in self-pity. You never held back when I made a mistake, you yelled at me when I wouldn’t listen to reason, and you told me off when I was being a fool.
You held my hand when I cried, when my heart was broken, when I couldn’t face the reality of certain events. You hugged me when I needed it, and never failed to show me love on our tougher days. You surprised me by coming to visit unexpectedly and you always had a smile that mirrored mine.
Now that you’ve left and gone your own way, there’s a sadness that can’t be shook. I feel like a part of me is missing – I feel lost, and I feel like something precious is gone from my life. .
To the friends I lost along the way – wherever you are, please know that I think of you often, that you are still a big part of my life, that I miss you every day, that you taught me so much about myself and life. I hope one day we meet again, and we work things out – and we picked up right where we left off. If not, I wish nothing but the best for you in your life, and I hope you are happy, wherever you are, and with whatever you are doing. May you always be blessed with good things in your life.
Love, Shilpa xo